Complain
Is complaining good or bad? I know that when I meet someone and they ask, “How are you?” I’m tempted to, and sometimes do, start listing my ailments. I feel like a better response would be, “Nothing to complain about.” Because really, I am incredibly blessed.
We might sort of automatically think complaining is bad. There are plenty of examples. Israel complained in the wilderness (e.g. Numbers 11:1). Job complained bitterly (e.g. Job 10:1). Some early Christians complained of unfair treatment in distribution of financial aid (Acts 6:1).
But then we remember some cases where it wasn’t necessarily bad. The title of Psalm 102 is, “A Prayer of one afflicted, when he is faint and pours out his complaint before the LORD,” and then in the first two verses he says, “Hear my prayer, O LORD; let my cry come to you! Do not hide your face from me in the day of my distress! Incline your ear to me; answer me speedily in the day when I call!” Yes, the psalmist is complaining, but he’s taking his troubles to exactly the right place, to the God who can help him.
And we might remember Jesus himself complained very sharply about the practices of the religious authorities of his day. Just one example among the many we remember:
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.” (Mattew 23:23)
His agonized prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane is a complaint, very much in the spirit of Psalm 102:
“My soul is very sorrowful, even to death…” He fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me…” (Mark 14:34-36)
And being in agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” (Luke 22:44)
So I think we have to conclude that complaining can be bad or good. It depends on our attitude. The bad kind is whining. It’s purely, or at least mostly, selfish. Taking our complaints to God in prayer is a whole different thing.
How about Jesus’s complaints to the Pharisees? Should we be doing that kind of thing? Well, we do not have his authority to say, “Woe to you!” If we have a complaint against a fellow human being, this is how Jesus tells us to handle it:
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Mattew 18:15)
And the Lord goes on to talk about possible escalation, if your complaint is not listened to. But note also what Paul says about this kind of situation:
To have lawsuits [formal complaints] at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? (1 Corinthians 6:7)
Peter speaks similarly:
For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly… If when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. (1 Peter 2:19-21)
It's a gracious thing to not complain when we’ve been wronged. Not easy, as we know all too well. So when do we just endure it, and when do we not? Jesus says, it’s time to speak up when your brother or sister sins against you—and if we pay attention to the full context in Matthew 18, it’s clear that the whole issue is trying to regain your brother or sister. It’s all for his or her good. Not about getting an apology or being the instrument of accountability. It’s to save someone. If it’s just me, let it go and move on.
So how are things? I can’t complain.
Love, Paul